I am a Performer, I am an actor, I am a singer, I dance sometimes, people think I'm funny, that guy didn't think I was funny, what is she thinking? Does that casting director think I'm too fat? Did I just look like a rookie? Are they noticing me? Why does everyone have long hair in this room and I have short hair? Why am I going out for someone who is 200 pounds when Im 135 pounds? What color do my eyes look today? I wonder if my moms ok? I can't forget to call Sam about that potential job. Am I ever going to work again? Should I go back to serving? Does my voice sound hoarse? DId you just come from an audition? Which one? Do you think there is anything in there for me? No. I'm hungry. I really want fries? Whens the last time I had fries? I don't think I should get fries. Mmmm that looks nummy? I hate myself. I GOT THE JOB! I'm on top of the world! Is this the last job I'll ever get? Time for class. What are my triggers? I'm not feeling it today. I want to live here. GET OUT OF MY FACE! can you just hug me? Just leave. Wait...my agents calling. Don't put my phone over there my agent might call. I have an audition. Nouns, Verbs, breathe bars, actions, Objectives, super objectives, who am I. Not me, her. Never mind, it was my landlady.
Having a peace of mind while taking on this career is more then tough, its excruciating. So thats where humour has to take precedence. I have lived through 30 years making fun of myself. Is that healthy? I don't know. But what I do know is everyone likes it (within reason), in fact are obsessed with other peoples 'pain' I don't mean severe pain, so don't be weird. So when I take jab at myself on a standup level, people love it, but not because they think it hurts me. They love it because they get it, we've all been there. If we don't laugh...well...whats worse then not laughing?
These days its very hard for people to be genuinely happy for each other if what they are doing, at the time, doesn't seem to be as profound. Not to say your surroundings don't try. They do. They do try, but its hard, and I admit, its difficult when you feel as though life is unjust on your end.
I sit for a minute and think of all the most amazing talented friends I have, which is a butt load, and I smile thinking about all of them. How do we stop the cycle. For me, its loving myself more. And that alone is two full time jobs. Lets support each other more, love bigger, deeper. And enjoy this crazy ride we have ALL chosen in some way or another. Because guess what? We've all felt that top paragraph, we've all lived it and breathed it.
So what ever gets you through your day, enjoy it. For me its, pokin' fun....at myself :)
http://platform.votigo.com/…/One-Night-Stand-Auditio…/207880
All my love and all my support.....Bloggin....I'm back
